Day 3: A Memory

I tried to remember one good memory. But I can't seem to find one that I remember completely — enough to make a story. So here’s what I’ve got.

It was Sunday. I was in 9th grade. My mom and dad were going to the hospital to see my grandpa. Oh, my grandpa has been sick for about a year, so we’re going back and forth to the hospital to see him every weekend. But because it is an exam week and I am an ambitious student so I didn't come along because I was studying all the time. Usually, I came along, studying beside him, but I don't know why I didn't come along that weekend.

It was afternoon, I was studying and my brother was watching tv with my maid. All I know was my maid got a phone call. She said that we’re gonna be picked up with my mom’s friend and we’re going to my grandparent’s house. So we went.

When we got there, It was already packed, we didn't stop exactly in front of my grandparent’s house. There were an ambulance and a white flag. I was freezing for a second like I didn't know what happened when the truth is I was just denying. I ran to the house and found everybody was reading yaasiin. I was caught by my father, hysterical for a moment and suddenly I passed out.

When I woke up, I already in the back bedroom with my aunt whos giving me eucalyptus oil. It’s already maghrib. They’ve done bathing him and now it’s the time to read him yaasiin before giving shalat and bury him. I went out and found my mother. She asked, “do you want to see your grandpa for the last time before they’re burying him?”. I was hesitant, mostly guilty. I said no.

So my mom asked me to read yaasiin. I was so sad because I also can't read it because I'm on my period, so I only read the meaning instead. My grandma glanced at me, asked me to see him for the last time. She said that he wanted to see me when he was critical. So I strengthen myself and going to see him. But the man outside was ready to take him to the mosque to shalat him so…I didn't.

After that everything was going so fast, we buried him and I can't get too close because of my period. It sucks.

This is maybe the biggest regret of my life. I know we shouldn't regret anything in life just learn from it. But this one… make me feel guilty every time. The fact that I was so naive pretending it’s not going to happen, so focused on myself self makes me so angry. I’m sorry, Kung, for not being there. This is a memory that I remembered so clearly.

Anyway, rest in peace yangkung. I’ll always love you.